How can I stop self-sabotage?

In this blog we will consider the key signs of self-sabotage, why it happens,  what steps you can take to overcome it, and how hypnotherapy can help you to overcome self-sabotage.

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage happens when you consciously or subconsciously get in your own way and so stop yourself from achieving your goals. It can affect many areas of your life including your overall wellbeing.

Self-sabotage can happen at a cognitive or a behavioural level; i.e. it may be your actions or your thoughts that result in the self-sabotage occurring.

Examples of these include delaying priority tasks by engaging in other low-priority activities, telling yourself “I always get things wrong”, using alcohol or food to avoid dealing with problems.

What are the key signs of self-sabotage?

Negative self-talk

When we engage in negative self-talk we are effectively sending ourselves messages of potential failure. The more often these messages are repeated the stronger the effectiveness of the messages becomes. “I’ll let everyone down”, “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll be found out” are all examples of negative self-talk.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is apparent where impossibly high standards are set for a task or activity. As these standards cannot ever be achieved there are only two possible outcomes; either avoidance of starting the task altogether (on the basis that it cannot be achieved) or constant frustration and disaffection as no actions taken result in achieving the perfect goal set.

Procrastination

Priority tasks that are delayed evidence procrastination. This may be apparent in situations where the priority task is ignored, postponed, or overlooked in favour of low-level easier tasks.

Relationship Sabotage

Relationship sabotage can take many forms including creating conflict, pushing others away and/or failing to set boundaries.

Self-medication

Using food, alcohol or recreational drugs are all ways in which self-medication happens. Whichever option is taken, the outcome remains the same, a short term fix leaving the problem to still be dealt with after the short term fix is over.

Why does self-sabotage happen?

There are many reasons why you may self-sabotage. These include:

Fear of Failure

You may fear that if you feel it will prove your unworthiness.

Fear of Success

You may fear that if you are successful you will not be able to meet the higher expectations that this success would bring, resulting in your failure and others’ disapproval or disappointment.

Fear or being Found Out

You may feel that your skills do not match others’ high expectations of you. You may feel that you are a fraud and that you will be “found out”. This is a key factor in Impostor Syndrome.

Fear of falling short of your own high standards

This fear is linked to perfectionism, where unachievably high standards can result in an inability to start a task altogether.

Low Self-Esteem

If you suffer from low self-esteem you may not believe that you deserve the goals that you desire. With this viewpoint you may subconsciously sabotage your efforts towards the achievement of your goal, which can result in your experience confirming your mistaken belief that you are not deserving of the goals you desire.

Past Trauma and/or Old Coping Mechanisms

Unresolved past trauma can cause you to return to old behaviours that were once needed but are now no longer required.

Feeling Overwhelmed

When feeling overwhelmed you may use sabotage as a temporary respite from the overwhelming situation. This respite provides a quick fix but leaves the overwhelming situation still unresolved.

The need for control

Self-sabotage can be a way of controlling when and how a situation ends in contrast to being disappointed at some stage in the future. Ending a relationship prematurely is a good example of self-sabotage underpinned by a need for control.

How can you overcome self-sabotage?

Recognition

Recognise the specific thoughts and behaviours that interfere with you achieving your goals.

Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself, especially when you experience an obstacle to your progress. Reframe your feelings of failure as a learning opportunity.

Positive Self-talk

Choose to move away from negative self-talk to positive, reality based thoughts.

Goal Setting

Set small, manageable goals to build confidence, motivation and momentum.

Self-care

Ensure that you have a balanced diet of exercise, healthy foods and adequate rest. These key foundations will help to build your resilience and reduce the likelihood of self-sabotaging behaviours.

How can hypnotherapy help you overcome self-sabotage?

Identification of the primary reasons for your self-sabotaging behaviours

This information will then be used to create your personalised hypnotherapy plan.

Reprogramming your subconscious mind

In trance, you will learn new ways of thinking and talking to yourself that are positive and affirming.

Learning new strategies and approaches to managing your fear and anxiety

By learning these new strategies you will become equipped to manage  the situations that previously caused you anxiety or fear without resorting to the old thoughts and behaviours.

If you would like to find out how hypnotherapy can help you to overcome self-sabotage then why not contact me today to book your free discovery call or initial consultation?